2 Corinthians 2:4
For I wrote you out of great distress and anguish of heart and with many tears, not to grieve you but to let you know the depth of my love for you.
Have you ever felt an anguish in your heart that is so overwhelming where you can’t function? This week has been the peak for me for such an experience. I don’t mean a defeating anguish but a burning anguish for the lost souls – a godly anguish.
I first experienced this anguish sometime last year during a bible study session. I just burst into tears of deep anguish during prayer time after my sisters shared about their struggles. I had little revelation then about that anguish at that time.
From what I can remember, my second experience of such anguish was when I was speaking to my life group leader about my experience with our leader (my leader’s leader) about a disagreement in doctrinal belief some months back. I was deeply saddened by the deception she is believing and it was not just her but a whole bunch of my sisters who agreed with her. My anguish in my heart was so deep it was so overwhelming I burst into tears (lots) during my sharing; I think my leader and myself were taken aback by that whole experience. I know it is true for me at least. I had no idea where that came from within me except it was as though I was feeling God’s anguish for His lost children. That is as close I can describe it in words. I’ve often wondered about this second experience and for a long time I’ve been asking “Who’s anguish was that?”. I know the anguish was for my lost brothers and sisters in Christ from this second experience. This second experience was much more overwhelming than my first. (During this period, I had prayed to God to show me what are the attributes of a good and bad leader. He has been faithful to show me till today. I am ever so thankful for that.)
Today was my peak experience feeling this anguish. And revelation came through this experience as well. I was inspired to write a song during my prayer time, so I got my song journal and wrote the words that came to my mind. As I was writing I felt God was going to deliver me through this song. My eyes was a bit teary eyed. And when I had finished writing the words; I sang it to God which is the norm for me. The moment I started to sing, I could feel this overwhelming anguish in my soul starting to rise up. At the same time I also felt this warm, comforting and loving presence enveloping me as I sung. By the time I reached the end I was balling my eyes out in deep overwhelming anguish far deeper than the second experience. That was and is my real anguish for the lost souls at this point of time. I balled my eyes to God and was comforted at the same time with His words for a good few minutes. And the revelation that came to me was, “My child, this is the burden I’ve put in your heart for my children. And this is the reality of your anguish in your heart. By my grace I have sustained you.” (This brought tears to my eyes as I wrote this) If I had to feel my real anguish in my heart for the lost souls; I wouldn’t be able to function in my daily life. I know the difference when it’s a godly anguish I am feeling. It’s just different!
Here’s the song; “Let Your Presence Shine in Me, Lord”
Wrap me around your arms, Lord
Help me feel your love
In the depths of my soul
Let me see your grace
In the depths of my heart
Give me a vision of your kingdom in the heavens
Help me Lord
To fill my heart and soul with holiness
Fill the depths of my soul with your living water
That I may not be thirsty
Help me feel your presence and love in my everyday life
Let me stand tall in faith for your glory
Let my life glorify the Father through you, Jesus
Wrap me around your arms, Lord
Never let me go
Cos I’m not letting you go
I await with eagerness to be in the glory of your throne
When you bring me home
For I hold fast to your promise
God puts burdens in our hearts and by His grace He sustains our anguish so we may continue to do what He has called us to do with hope. And that we may function. The Spirit of God in you knows everything; and protects you as God wills through your obedience.
My sisters and brothers in Christ, have you felt the godly anguish God has planted in your heart? I encourage you to kneel before God and ask Him. And be ready to serve.
I pray that you will allow the Spirit of truth to show you the burden God wants you to have for the lost souls in your heart. I pray that He will give you revelation on your calling; give you all the tools and strength to persevere to maturity in Christ. May His grace be upon you. In Jesus name, Amen.